Monday, February 22, 2010

Everybody Poops: Why I Love Owning a Laptop

WARNING: The following post may be gross...so take a deep breath before you read. Or, just skip to the next one.

This one is for you Philip.

I am starting a series within a series for this blog. You see, I love having a laptop. I only got one somewhat recently and so I am still discovering how much easier my life is when I can take my computer wherever I go. This is the first installment of this series. Enjoy.

Just like the popular children's book says, everybody poops.


And because of this fact, thanks to my trusty Macbook, my life has become 1000% more productive. My good friend Philip and I started a Facebook group awhile back called "I Proudly ichat While Shitting With Fellow Shitters" and let me tell you, that is only the half of it.

This is the point where I am sure many of you are going to be thinking "ugh gross dude what the fuck!" or "Shit (ha) this was the wrong thing to read on my lunch break.". Well, you can't say I didn't warn you so you might as well keep going. Everyone poops and for all the people out there that aren't comfortable talking about it...well there is something wrong with you. Poop and fart jokes have been at the backbone of humor since man invented jokes. So we might as well embrace it...just not literally...because that IS gross.

When you are in there, you are in there. There is no rushing the process which is why most men (and I am sure many women) have magazines in their bathrooms. I once read a copy of "The Count of Monte Cristo" throughout the course of a summer while only in the bathroom. It was riveting. The book, not the poop. But now, a whole new world has been opened to me. The internet! Being able to surf the internet while taking the Browns to the Superbowl has made my life exponentially better. I can answer email, chat with friends (if you are ever chatting with me on ichat, I am probably in the bathroom), watch TV, I've written papers for college, or I can just read up on my daily gossip or whatever I need to be doing. After reading an article (while in the bathroom mind you) about how having a laptop on your lap is potentially dangerous, I brought in a little TV tray to improve my environment.

In fact, a rather large percentage of my better ideas in life have come to me while contemplating the world on the can. I venture to guess this is the case for many people, not just me and having a tool at my disposal to record, research and develop these ideas further is a step in the right direction for the world. So I encourage you to try this next time you "drop the kids off at the pool". Take your laptop in with you. Explore. Write. See what comes out...of your mind.






Sunday, February 21, 2010

What the Shit Do I Have to Say?!?!

So after years of reading blogs about movies and tv shows, blogs about celebrities, blogs about why people's lives suck, and blogs about the people of Wal-mart, I was finally convinced to take the plunge. So here I am. Writing. Well, typing. Publicly. I just don't know about what. So I guess this blog will be about stuff. And people. And how I feel about them...or it...respectively. Hopefully you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry and maybe you'll even pee a little. I don't know. We will just have to wait and see. A good friend told me "just write" and so that is what I will do. Hopefully what comes out will be gold...but I will settle for bronze.

I am still learning how to use this thing but I will try to put some pictures and videos to accompany my words and improve upon your reading experience. But in the mean time, get your bi-focals out(if need be) and enjoy.

Something one of my new friends from Bus 15 does which I am going to "borrow"...
Key Words:

Wal-Mart
Plunge
Pee
Bronze
Bi-focal